Itchy Brighton article

Hellish food facts

Treat your body right, put that double cheesy lard burger down - fast food calorie info.

I'm sorry I have to do this to you. It's nothing personal. It's just that I worry about you and when I see you stuff those beef nachos with guacomole, monterry jack cheese and sour cream into your mouth it makes me want to cry. Wake up and smell the tall Starbucks latte made with low fat milk......fast food is bad for you.

Snacks
I'm starting off easy and going with snack food to lull you into a false sense of security, as it's not as bad as you might think. But if I ever see you with a Mars Bar in your hand there's going to be trouble - not only are they soooo 1997 they are Satans' chocolate, weighing in at 452 calories a bar. Go with this years model, the Chunky Kit Kat, at only a promising 250.
Other Oks are...
Packet of crisps 130
Apple (yum!)60
or Cup a soup 70
But stear clear of the packets of salted peanuts at 250 calories a pop.

Coffee break?
Maybe have a nice cup of coffee instead? You can but if it's Starbucks you toddle off to every day at 11 make sure you go for low (or none, if you can face it) milk. Tall latte with whole milk 213 calories, tall latte with low fat milk 168.

Lunchtime
Like, it's only bread and stuff - it's not like it's deep fried or anything. Sorry. A Subway 6" tuna sub weighs in at 419 calories, but don't worry a 6" veggie delite is half of that at 200. Or if you're a meal deal a-holic go for the Boots Shapers range and if you're feeling really virtuous foregore the aforementioned Chunky Kit Kat.

Working late? Can't be arsed to cook?
Bad boy McDonalds is the king of deep fat frying. A Big Mac will tax you a whopping 590 calories, medium french fries 450, and a small choc shake, a not so small 360. Even an Egg McMuffin is 290 and a small coke is 150. There's no other option than to go fro the safest thing on the menu, a diet coke (whatever size) at 0 calories whatsoever. You can always drive through the drive thru to pick up those calorie free smells instead.

If you have to, and I mean have to - pet dog has died, you have broken your foot or have revcently been made redundant Burger king boasts slightly, and I mean slighty, less calories. A Bacon Double Cheeseburger is 640, medium french fries are 370 and a small choc shake is 330 (I still can't stress thevirtues of diet coke enough though.)

Pizza the action?
Hardly, a serving (164 grams) of Pizza Huts' stuffed crust pepporoni is a staggering 438 calories. Downsize to a simple pan pizza peppporoni and it's a only a mouthwatering 280. Or for you competetive types out there, just munch on one slice of garlic bread at a modest 150.

But the Chinese are so healthy
Probably because they don't eat take out food all the time. The old faves of chicken chow mein and sweet and sour pork will do you no good wahtsoever at 715 and 860! calories respectively. Plump instead for chicken chop suey, 425, or sweet and sour prawns, 470. And it's boiled not fried rice - which is a heart attack inducing 555.

So it's not looking too good is it, so may I suggest we skip the post pub Indian for fear of what we may discover.

According to www.caloriecounter.co.uk the average woman needs 2300 calories a day, the average man 3000. So may I suggest a highly tuned regime of multi vitamins, minerals and iron(0 calories) at midday (sleep until then), followed by 8 pints og lager, 1600, or 6 lrge glases white wine at 900. For important fibre supplement with a selection of crisps, at 130 calories a packet. But stay off the appetite-suppressing fags eh, they'll kill you (whereas over the top alcohol consumption will just pickle you alive.)

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Comments

I've found a pizza takeaway called Boxpizza which does AMAZING pizzas and they feel so healthy!! Not too much cheese, very thin base, and caramelized red onions to die for! You can eat takeaway and not feel guilty! Love it!
- Lindsay Murray from Armley on 07/12/2006 -

Noone should be writing that crisps are a good snack. Its not all about the calories!!! Quality as well as quantity. You idiots who write this....
- on 02/01/2007 -

Hasit ever occured to you that no matter how many calories you eat, snacking on crisps and chunky kit kats still isn't healthy? you people are nuts....
- on 06/02/2007 -

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